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English Lesson-- 0011: How To Use English Words Correctly
By Mr. Rodney Wilson (New Zealand)
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Hi, friends, I am so lucky that I have got a lot of great supports and help from many friends on my English writing. Below is a very good and very friendly comment and correction about my writing About Shirley by Mr. Rodney from New Zealand. I do feel what he wrote is very professional and helpful. So, before I correct the writing of mine on the web site according to his direction, I would like to publish Mr. Rodney 's writing and keep the copy of my original writing below. Maybe it will be helpful to some friends who are learning English as me. Right?
If you are a friend of native English speaker or a professional English translator, teacher or someone else who is working with English, if you would like to publish any comments, suggestions or anything else to help the friends who are learning English language via here, you are welcomed to write to shirley@ebridge.cn , or shirleyz004@yahoo.comor write In The Forumdirectly.
-- Shirley
Thur, Jan 19, 2006
 Hi again Shirley:
This time I will return to the page entitled About Shirley, the page that still has the "piece of fish" in it. :-)
The first paragraph is fine, there are no real errors in it, except that I am not really sure what you mean by "working on" driving. If you mean you are spending time driving for enjoyment, then it is not "working",
but simply "doing" it. If you mean you are practising your driving skills, then you should say "driving skills", rather than just "driving".
Second paragraph, you have the phrase: "... anything else that relatives to the nature". "relative" is not a verb, and nature is a general noun, not a specific one.Therefore it should say: "... anything that relates to nature."
Then you have "no matter a tree ... no matter a cloud". An English speaker would say "No matter whether it is a tree ... ..."
Of course, the "piece of" should be removed before the "fish", as already discussed.
You say, "they are all having something beautiful in their hearts (if they have) ..." "They are all having" sounds like it is some activity they are doing. It should instead be "They all have ..." Then, the "if they have" should really be "if they have one", so that it refers back to the "heart".
Then you say: "I often amaze and wonder how the great nature makes a so beautiful flower or a leave". If you "amaze", then it means that someone else is amazed by you. I don't think that is what you meant to say here. (I am sure you do amaze people, but you would mention that
in a different context :-) .) It would be better as "I am often amazed", except that you cannot jump straight from passive "am amazed" to active "and wonder". Then you go on to mention "the great nature". An English speaker would just say "nature" (with a capital N), or else "Mother Nature". "Nature" in this personified sense does not take the definite article "the". And then the singular form of "leaves" is not "leave", but "leaf". Perhaps the whole sentence could be rendered as "I am
often in awe at the wonder and greatness of nature, and how it can create something as beautiful as a flower or a leaf," or as "I often wonder in amazement how Nature can produce such a beautiful flower or leaf."
The final sentence in this paragraph is: "Every day, I get inspiration from the nature and try to create or express something beautiful with my painting, photography and songs as well." Again, "nature" should not have a definite article in front of it. In the list at the end, you have painting, photography and songs, which is fine as it stands, and does not need the "as well" after it. You would use "as well" only if you had already finished a list, and then wanted to add something further to it. The "as well" would then refer to the new additions to the list.
The third paragraph is pretty good as it stands, except that where you say "the movie such as", it should be "movies such as".
The fourth paragraph is also pretty good as it stands, except for a couple of minor matters. The expression, "on the hard and happy life road," is Chinese English. English ways to say it include: "on the hard and happy road of life," and "on life's hard and happy road." Also,
the expression: "I feel that I am a totally fresh" is not quite correct. It could be "I feel that I am totally fresh", or "I feel that I am a totally fresh person." Another way to say it would be "I feel like a new woman", or ".. new being."
After that, the rest of the page is all good. :-)
 While I am here, I would like to say I particularly enjoy your music pages. The English on that page is also pretty good, with only a few minor quaint expressions, which I may come back to another time.
cheers
-- Rodney
ATTACH I -- My Corrected Writing
ATTACH II -- My Original Writing
As a designer, editor and a manager, I enjoy the creative work and ＾the management art￣; As an amateur, I love to work on painting, vocal music, piano, photography, writing, reading, translation and driving.
I love nature, sea, sky and anything else that relatives to the nature. In my eyes, no matter a tree, a flower, a bird or a butterfly, no matter a cloud in the sky, a fish in the sea or a little kid by the street, they are all having something beautiful in their hearts (if they have) or on their bodies. I often amaze and wonder how the great nature makes a so beautiful flower or a leave´Every day, I get inspiration from the nature and try to create or express something beautiful with my painting, photography and songs as well.
I was born in Beijing. I majored in Chinese classical language and literature and European classical literature as a full time student for 5 years, then I was a college teacher. I studied journalism, world economics and international business administration for 6 years after I entered the financial journalism and IT industries. I love the art of impressionism and Chinese flower and bird paintings, European classical music, American light rock and Chinese folk music, classical architectures, photography of nature´ I have been to many Western and Eastern countries. I enjoy the traveling and learning from the other cultures and civilizations, enjoy the works by Honore de Balzac, Charles Dickens and Shakespeare, the movie such as Forrest Gump, Titanic, and Green Mile´
With optimism, cheerful confidence, and a positive personality, I am proud of myself as a woman after many years on the hard and happy life road. Every morning, when I am running or walking in the golden sunshine, I feel that I am a totally fresh. However, I am also weak and like to weep sometimes...:-)
This is me ? a native Chinese woman with black eyes and hair.
I am very happy to set up my own web site right now. I do hope via this little site, we could make life more meaningful,learn something new, and find something lost.
I do wish all of the friends who come to "my world" could enjoy mutual understanding and trust?
I am looking forward to meeting you with many smiles.If you have any questions, suggestions and comments, please write to shirley@ebridge.cn, you are welcomed.
--Shirley
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English Lesson