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Hi,Dear Friends
 How are you? Are you enjoying your week? I do hope you are.
This is a hard but productive week on my side.
It is hard because I got the sad news that my formal special friend Mr. George M. J. whom I visited and had the only Christmas with his sister Ms. Betty J. together in CA, USA; the only American friend who drove for 2 nights and 2 days from CA to MO to visit me and helped me so much on my first art exhibition, culture exchange activities in the publish schools in Springfield, MO; who helped me with my dear tutor Ms. Anna Brashers together on my life in my last time as a student in Missouri State University, has passed away of sickness unexpectedly alone in CA. USA.
It is hard also for I have been suffering serious stomach-ache since I got the bad news and the numb on my armies and the ache on my legs has re-come to me since Jan, 2012.
It is productive because I have attended twice lessons that for the my schoolfellows who are majoring in Portraits, to learn the skills on Chinese Mogu painting, completed 7 new paintings, re-wrote a new comment on a Chinese Classical Poem, practised to sing the poem with my own created music in English and in Chinese as a warm up before I enter the recording studio in 2 or 3 months. Read all letters from my readers and friends, responded some questions on Chinese classical poems¡¯ translations ( usually there are more than 3150 letters that wait for me to respond in just one of my inboxes, it is impossible for me to respond every one, but, I do have read them carefully and I will not delete any letter before I find time to respond them. )
To be honest, I did not believe the sad news when I got the letter from Ms. Betty J., until Wednesday night, after I read the Memory of Mr. George M. J., I just realized, instead of a joke, it was true news about his death and many things that led me stop the communication of us were misunderstandings. I was so sad that I wept silently for whole of the night. The most words in my mind in the week are ¡° If ¡ ¡± -- if I found more time to listen to his explanations, if I accompanied him to the church on his birthday, if I gave him an new opportunity as he wished after I was sick in China, if I had a little bit wider chest and put down something bad between of us, to trust him, appreciate him and to keep the normal communication with him, at least to inform him when I came back to USA in 2010 and 2011, maybe he would not leave from Springfield with much grievance ahead, before my first art exhibition was finished? Maybe he would have the courage to come to China with me as we had thought at the time I left from USA in 2009 or in the following time? Maybe he would not be dead alone at the so young age?
I do not know what the answer is, I do not know what has happened to him in the passed 2 years as well, but, I did realize I was not a good person on treating a good friend who had treated me with so much effort, sincere and actual help. I did realize that my EQ (Emotion Quotient) is in a quite low level, and I was too slow on many things, even, I did not know my own feeling trend clear, very often, I ¡°lived in the moon as a teenage, to think of and deal with things with heart instead of mind¡± as my best friends commented and laughed at.
With the deep ache and so much sadness in my heart, what I have thought is that I must re-learn how to be a good person who knows how to deal with the normal human feelings except learning something on art and in my professional fields. To treat the others with more thoughtful, considerate, careful and intelligent style except a sincere heart only. Go out of my too much self-centered situation sometimes, to see the world and to treat the other people with a wider chest, more tolerant and more cherished style...
I am thinking, want to help the world with my hard work is certainly a good idea, but, the human being is made of million and million individuals, if I can treat these idiographic persons who are around of us better and thoughtful, may be just something meaningful and helpful, just like one of my best friends advised me:
At some point we will all die and we don¡¯t get to pick the time. It has nothing to do with you or luck¡¡¡..our bodies just wear out at some point or they have a significant event like a heart attack that just stops everything from working.
All we can do is live each day as if it were our last so we live it to the fullest and make to most of what we can remembering that it is family and friends that really mean the most to us.
With a sincere, grateful and self-condemned heart, I completed a painting with a dog on it for Mr. George M. J. since I called him Big Wang Wang for his Chinese Shenxiao --Zodiac is Dog. I do hope his soul with the peach blossoms together, flows into the heaven along with the water, be in peace, luck and happiness forever.
How about you? Do you have anything special in your life in the week?
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